i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
The beer is more important than you right now.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
