if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
