You're completely useless in the revolution.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
