I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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