just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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