Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
