worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
they need to just BURY HIM!
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
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