Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
