he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize