I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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