mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
