You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
