He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
jump out the window naked night went bad
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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