U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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