I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
