how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
What a dumb baby whore.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
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