How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
