Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
well you can't waste a boner
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I wish you could order shots online.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
