I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize