i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
