Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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