But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize