omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
