I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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