Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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