My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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