I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
