go do what you do best...puke behind churches
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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