I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
