My friends, they love my intelligence
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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