The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
