I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
