I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
