I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
