i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
