Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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