ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
