so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
