I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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