I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
