is your mom at the bar?
...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
two words...techno handjob
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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