you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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