she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
