U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
