so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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