I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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