Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize