I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
