Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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