So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
