thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
