you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
