this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
