All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
