i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
