Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
