I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
This baby is an asshole
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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