WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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