God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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