I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
