Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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