Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize