I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
