We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
