i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
