drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
