I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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