My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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