New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Randomize