...so i touched it.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
God I need to hump something, right now.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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