the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
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