I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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