Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
