I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
