they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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