Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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