i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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