also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
