we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Vodka?
Forever.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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