Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
