you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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