I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
