Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
my liver is dry heaving
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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