I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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