if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
