He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
