i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize