Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
