somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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