On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I want to walk on stilts...naked
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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