o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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