So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
