It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize