I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
