My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
