Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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