He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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