I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize