i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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