So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
