I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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