Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
