Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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