ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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