You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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