She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It's blow job season.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
