ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
