i think i have herpe
just one?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
